Couples therapy for the argument you both know by heart.
Structured couples therapy for adults using Gottman Method assessment and intervention principles, with attention to communication, conflict, friendship, repair, trust, commitment, and shared meaning.
Dr. Vance has completed Level 1 Training in Gottman Method Couples Therapy and incorporates Gottman Method assessment and intervention principles into his work with couples.
The first person to go quiet is often the person who has been doing most of the talking. They have explained the problem, given examples, named what is not working, tried to make sure I understand why they are frustrated. Then they stop. You can almost see the exhaustion on their face. They look at their partner. There is a pause. They are waiting for something. A response. Some acknowledgment. Maybe for their partner to finally say the thing they have been hoping to hear. And when it does not come, they look back at me. That look often says more than the argument did: see, this is what I am talking about.
That is usually when I know we are getting closer to the real work. Couples may come in arguing about the remote, whose family they spend more time with, or who needs to communicate better. Underneath those arguments I am listening for something more fundamental: who does not feel seen, heard, or valued. The argument is just where that deeper hurt keeps showing up.
Relationships do not exist outside of culture. Race, identity, gender, sexuality, family expectations, spirituality, and lived experience shape how people love, protect themselves, communicate, and understand one another. That context is part of the work, not a footnote to it.
My work is to slow the pattern down enough for both people to see it. To help the person who has been doing all the talking recognize what they are reaching for, and to help the quieter partner understand what happens in the relationship when they withdraw or shut down. The shift happens when they stop seeing each other as the problem and begin seeing the pattern as something they have to change together.
What the first weeks look like.
Couples work follows the Gottman Method, which begins with a real assessment before any intervention, so the work is built on your relationship rather than guesswork.
A complimentary consultation. A free 15-minute call for both of you. This is not a therapy session or a clinical relationship. We talk about what is happening between you, what you are hoping for, logistics, and fees, and decide together whether this is a fit.
The assessment begins, together. Once we agree it is a fit and intake is complete, we start with a conjoint session to hear your story as a couple: how you met, your history, and the pattern that keeps repeating.
Individual meetings and questionnaires. I meet with each of you once on your own, and you each complete structured relationship questionnaires. Following the Gottman Method assessment, this surfaces your real strengths and the areas that need attention.
A feedback and planning session. We come back together and I share what the assessment revealed, using the Gottman Sound Relationship House as our map. We agree on goals and on the frequency and length of the work.
The ongoing work. Sessions strengthen the three areas the Gottman Method is built around: friendship and connection, managing conflict rather than winning it, and creating shared meaning, while repairing past hurts and rebuilding trust and commitment.
Progress reviews. We check what is changing, adjust goals, and build the skills that keep old patterns from returning. Session length depends on you and the work in front of you.
Clear terms before you begin.
If you are in immediate danger or need urgent support, call 911, call or text 988, or go to the nearest emergency department. ClearMinds is not an emergency service.